Victoria+O'Neil

SOMETHING FUNNY!!!!--it's old, I know. And long. But SOOO worth reading through. This is the "Twelve Days of Christmas" from Timothy McSweeney's blog. I had to edit out some of the bad words.

**Day 1** On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree. Such a thoughtful gift, she knows how much I love fruit. She also knows my building’s pretty strict about pets so the bird threw me a little. But he is a cute little guy. - - - - **Day 2** On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two turtle doves. Wow, she’s really into the avian theme this year. Um, thank you? I guess I’ll just put them in the kitchen with the partridge and the pear tree, which suddenly seems a lot bigger than it did yesterday. - - - - **Days 3 & 4** On the third and fourth days of Christmas, she gave me three French hens and four calling birds. Funny, I don’t remember telling her my dream was to one day open a chapter of the Audubon Society. Jesus. You know what would have been nice? Some birdseed. I’m out of saltines and things are starting to get weird in here. - - - - **Day 5** On the fifth day of Christmas, she gave me five golden rings. See, now that’s a nice gift. A nice, practical gift. A little on the feminine side, but I’ll take it. - - - - **Day 6** Six geese a-laying. Hmm, that’s so weird because I was just telling someone that I could use some MORE FREAKING BIRDS. Do you have any idea how much poop six geese generate in a single day? Literally, pounds. Pounds of green, grassy turds. And in case you’re curious, all six of them have been a-laying since they got here. There are no less than seventy-five enormous eggs in my apartment right now. And as a side note, I just tried to make an omelet out of one of them and almost ralphed. Very gamy. - - - - **Day 7** <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">Guess what I signed for this morning when the UPS guy rang my doorbell? Seven swans a-swimming. True story. So… no more baths for me, I guess. Thanks for that. These are terrible gifts! Terrible, confusing gifts. Do you know how big a freaking swan is? Or how mean those guys are? Oh, and guess who swans don’t get along with? Geese, turtle doves, French hens, calling birds, and partridges. Glad you did your homework there. There’s more bird-on-bird violence going on right now than I care to mention. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: center;">- - - - <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">**Day 8** <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt on this one in case you ordered these eight maids a-milking online and there was some confusion, but just to clarify, there are eight middle-aged women wearing bonnets in my apartment right now. And they each brought a cow. Do you understand what I’m saying to you? They’re all here, in my STUDIO apartment, and judging by the size of their suitcases, they aren’t leaving anytime soon. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: center;">- - - - <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">**Day 9** <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">Big day today. Not only did I receive the unexpected gift of nine ladies dancing, I also got a nice little note from my landlord. He covered all kinds of stuff, but in a nutshell it was about excessive dancing, illegal livestock, unnatural amounts of bird feces, and me not living here anymore. Big day. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: center;">- - - - <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">**Day 10** <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">Ten lords a-freakin-leaping! Yes they are. Ten leotarded a-holes are literally jumping around my apartment screaming “Wheeeeee!” every time their feet leave the dang ground! WHY ?? Why are you doing this to me? You’re sick! I loved you so much and you destroyed it. You destroyed everything. Tensions in here are escalating faster than I could have imagined. The maids and dancers appear to have laid territorial claims in opposite corners of the apartment. They are not the same civilized ladies who arrived here a short time ago. They bear a darkness now. One of them stole my golden rings and I know just the one who did it. I’m waiting until nightfall and I will reclaim them through any means necessary. I’m beginning to fear something isn’t right with the birds, they’re watching me… conspiring… it’s just a matter of time. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: center;">- - - - <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">**Days 11 & 12** <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro-1,adobe-garamond-pro-2,'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">These final days have come and gone in a bewildering fog. I remember drummers. Pipers. Lots of them. I haven’t slept or washed my body in quite some time. Food is scarce… the fighting, fierce. I killed a lord today! Snatched him right out of the air and killed him with my bare hands. Now he doesn’t leap anymore. I used his leotard as a net to trap one of the swans. She was delicious. Didn’t even cook the old gal. Ha! I made everyone gather around and watch—that’s what you do when you want to send a message. A very important message! This is my castle! Do you all hear me? Do you see what I’ve done? What I am capable of!! No more eye contact with the king, do you understand? Or I will end you! I will end you all right here and now!! Now one of you fetch me a pear. The king needs something sweet.

Hamlet Blog #4, February 18, 2012.

Aaaaaaah, finally done with the play. This was definitely the most enjoyable experience I've had reading a play though. I have enjoyed seeing the scenes acted out as well as the many different movie interpretations. This past week, I got to finally act out my scene, the first part of 5.1. The grave diggers present us with a different kind of insanity in the play. They seem more like the creepy, crazy, rambling drunks that don't know what they're doing or where they are ever. He can't even answer simple questions.

HAMLET They are sheep and calves which seek out assurance in that. I will speak to this fellow. Whose grave's this, sirrah?

First Clown Mine, sir. (Sings) O, a pit of clay for to be made For such a guest is meet.

HAMLET I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.

First Clown You lie out on't, sir, and therefore it is not yours: for my part, I do not lie in't, and yet it is mine.

HAMLET 'Thou dost lie in't, to be in't and say it is thine: 'tis for the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou liest.

First Clown 'Tis a quick lie, sir; 'twill away gain, from me to you.

HAMLET What man dost thou dig it for?

First Clown For no man, sir.

HAMLET What woman, then?

First Clown For none, neither.

HAMLET Who is to be buried in't?

First Clown One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she's dead.

I really liked seeing this scene acted out and in movie form. It's one of the lighter, funnier scenes I think, even though they're talking about a grave and skulls are strewn about. This different kind of crazy, as compared to Hamlet and the rest of the royal family, is also a bit refreshing, in a strange way. This is how I usually think of crazy people, and it's nice to have something else than Hamlet's angry rants for a change. Other than that, it's interesting to note that the clown doesn't even know he's talking to Hamlet. Hamlet doesn't even seem crazy while talking to the clown. Overall, I just liked this scene, and I liked how it played into Ophelia's burial and then into the fight, and then into the end. This part of the play just completely made sense to me.

Hamlet Blog #3, February 12, 2012.

I think Act 4 is where Hamlet finally goes publicly insane. He lets everyone know he's gone somewhat crazy, and he makes them deal with it. He becomes belligerent and refuses to help his family. This is especially illustrated in 4.2, when he will not disclose where the body of Polonius is.

ROSENCRANTZ: GUILDENSTERN: [Within] Hamlet! Lord Hamlet!

HAMLET What noise? who calls on Hamlet? O, here they come.

ROSENCRANTZ What have you done, my lord, with the dead body?

HAMLET Compounded it with dust, whereto 'tis kin.

ROSENCRANTZ Tell us where 'tis, that we may take it thence And bear it to the chapel.

HAMLET Do not believe it.

ROSENCRANTZ Believe what?

HAMLET That I can keep your counsel and not mine own. Besides, to be demanded of a sponge! what replication should be made by the son of a ?

ROSENCRANTZ Take you me for a sponge, my lord?

HAMLET Ay, sir, that soaks up the king's countenance, his rewards, his authorities. But such officers do the king best service in the end: he keeps them, like an ape, in the corner of his jaw; first mouthed, to be last swallowed: when he needs what you have gleaned, it is but squeezing you, and, sponge, you shall be dry again.

Hamlet seems to finally have figured out that he is being spied on, and is doing his best to be the least helpful as possible. Having to act this scene out on the spot in class made me more aware of the interaction between Rosencrantz and Hamlet. I enjoyed being Rosencrantz (not only because I got to slap Hamlet), but because it made me think of the scene in a different way than from the perspective of Hamlet or Ophelia. I still think Rosencrantz is pretty creepy though.

<Rosencrantz

Hamlet Blog #2, February 7, 2012.

Is the ghost real?

Who knows if the ghost is actually there? They all think they see it, and they think they can interact with it, but who is really validating that the ghost is indeed present? Perhaps it is because these men, Hamlet, Horatio, and Marcellus, still believe in the good of the late king, and don't believe in the good of the present king. They all know, or think they know, that something weird is going on. Maybe it is because these men are still holding on to their love of the late king that they think they see him. Maybe when Hamlet talks to the ghost, he's actually just completely bonkers and isn't even conscious. Maybe it's a dream state. The ways the movies depicted the interaction with the ghost was very interesting, as they were all different. They were all generally harsh and tense, but some seemed far more real than others.

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines "ghost" as follows: <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">

<span style="background-color: white; color: #7b7b7b; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Definition of //GHOST//
<span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1 **:** the seat of life or intelligence **:** [|soul] <give up the //ghost//> 2**:** a disembodied soul; //especially// **:** the soul of a dead person believed to be an inhabitant of the unseen world or to appear to the living in bodily likeness <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Both of these definitions make the ghosts seem intelligent and wise. The movies didn't always do that, but they did show the ghost giving Hamlet previously unknown knowledge. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="background-color: #f6f6f6; display: block; font-family: 'Lucida Grande',Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">Where wilt thou lead me? Speak, I’ll go no further. || Mark me. ||  ||  I will. ||  ||   My hour is almost comeWhen I to sulfurous and tormenting flamesMust render up myself. ||  ||    Alas, poor ghost! ||  || <span style="background-color: #f6f6f6; display: block; font-family: 'Lucida Grande',Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">So art thou to revenge when thou shalt hear. ||    Speak. I am bound to hear. ||  || So art thou to revenge when thou shalt hear. ||  || What? ||  ||
 * . || <span style="background-color: #f6f6f6; font-family: 'Lucida Grande',Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">** HAMLET **
 * || ** GHOST **
 * || ** HAMLET **
 * || ** GHOST **
 * || ** HAMLET **
 * ** GHOST **
 * || ** HAMLET **
 * || ** GHOST **
 * || ** HAMLET **
 * 10

15 || ** GHOST ** I am thy father’s spirit,Doomed for a certain term to walk the nightAnd for the day confined to fast in fires,Till the foul crimes done in my days of natureAre burnt and purged away. But that I am forbidTo tell the secrets of my prison house,I could a tale unfold whose lightest wordWould harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood, || Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,Thy knotted and combinèd locks to partAnd each particular hair to stand on end,Like quills upon the fearful porpentine.But this eternal blazon must not beTo ears of flesh and blood. List, list, O, list!If thou didst ever thy dear father love— ||  || O God! ||  || Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder. ||<  || Murder? ||  || Murder most foul, as in the best it is.But this most foul, strange and unnatural. ||
 * ** HAMLET **
 * ** GHOST **
 * ** HAMLET **
 * ** GHOST **

Alas, he’s mad! || Do you not come your tardy son to chide, That, lapsed in time and passion, lets go by The important acting of your dread command? O, say! ||  ||  Do not forget. This visitation Is but to whet thy almost blunted purpose. But look, amazement on thy mother sits. O, step between her and her fighting soul. Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works. Speak to her, Hamlet. || <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> To whom do you speak this? ||     Do you see nothing there? ||  || Nothing at all, yet all that is I see. ||  || Nor did you nothing hear? ||  ||     No, nothing but ourselves. ||  || Why, look you there! Look how it steals away—My father, in his habit as he lived—Look where he goes, even now, out at the portal! || <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As we can see from these lines between Hamlet and the ghost, the ghost is seen as all knowing of the current situation in the castle. This is especially interesting as we think about whether Hamlet is actually mad since he can see the ghost, since in 3.4, we find out that Gertrude is not able to see the ghost, and believes Hamlet to be completely insane. On this note, perhaps Gertrude is crazy, and everyone else is normal by being able to see the ghost. When we acted out this scene (3.4) in class, it is obvious that Gertrude definitely can't see the ghost, and she's freaking out about what Hamlet is doing. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> I think it's very interesting that they all think the encounter with the ghost is real, when really, they could all just be so far gone they don't even know it.
 * ** GERTRUDE **
 * 110 || ** HAMLET **
 * 115 || ** GHOST **
 * ** GERTRUDE **
 * || ** HAMLET **
 * || ** GERTRUDE **
 * 135 || ** HAMLET **
 * || ** GERTRUDE **
 * || ** HAMLET **

Hamlet Blog #1, January 29, 2012.

Is Hamlet right to go mad?

We all sort of knew it was his choice. Once he found out his uncle killed his father, and his mother was on his uncle's side, he had to figure out a way to keep them off his trail. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern just didn't know what to do, since they had to report back to the king, but all they could report was that Hamlet had gone mad. At first, even Hamlet's mother tried to help him avoid this fate, but then they all bought into it. Even Ophelia, who loved him, goes crazy once she finds out (or thinks she does) that he's crazy. In the version of the movie I watched, Hamlet didn't really seem to go insane. He really just seemed to get pissed off at everything that didn't go according to his plan, which was basically everything. He was a loner, and just wanted to solve the problem of his father's murder. Here's the trailer:

media type="youtube" key="MjCIFBESG58" height="315" width="420"

I also wonder about Horatio and Marcellus, who are the first ones to see the ghost. Whoever saw it first probably though they had gone crazy. Once someone else saw it though, why does it make them believe it's real? Why don't they both feel crazy? Not only that, but then they decide that if Hamlet can see him too, then the spirit is real. Why is Hamlet the one who decides if they've gone mad?

In another sense of the word "mad", Hamlet also seems very angry. He argues with his friends. He argues with the spirit. He argues with Laertes. He argues with his uncle (and then kills him). He argues, and attacks, his mother. He argues with Ophelia and pretends to stop loving her. He argues with HIMSELF. Obviously, he's got some serious problems going on that he needs to get checked out.

Anyways, I think Hamlet is just a confused teenager/adult that has really bad family problems. He's obviously mad, maybe in more ways than one. But, if you really don't want to read or see the whole "Hamlet", I found this sentence-long book review: **Hamlet** > Whine whine whine...To be or not to be...I'm dead.

**THE END**